From the US to Australia, and from finally reading that book to taking that relaxing walk. When it comes to our spare time, many of us are becoming a proud new ‘couch potato.’ But that was certainly not always the case. Is our stigma about staying in versus going out changing?

To enjoy our spare time, we have to go out. And we certainly don’t want to seem antisocial. Right? Well, if lockdown times have taught us anything, it’s that some of us (“shock horror!”) sometimes prefer to stay indoors! But it has taken time to get to this point. For a long time, there has been a stigma attached to our desire to stay indoors.

“Does anyone else get teased for staying in vs going out?” It was a question someone posted on reddit a few years ago. It was followed by: “People act like it’s such a crime to enjoy being home. I pay rent, so why wouldn’t I want to be at home during my free time? I don’t let the social pressure to go out get to me anymore. But at times it’s difficult to ignore the comments.” This is just one example. There is a stigma attached to wanting to stay indoors during our free time. And we just have to look online to find out how deep it is. So much so that when we do, we’re not always honest about it.

I’ve got to wash my hair tonight

“I’ve got laundry to do.” “I’ve got to wait for a package delivery.” “I didn’t realise it was today.” These are some of the MSN’s hilarious excuses given to get our of socialising in our spare time. We have many.

There have even been studies to reveal this human need to appear social at all times. Take this one from Britain. It was conducted to find out “how much effort people go to to avoid wild evenings.” It was British holiday accommodation provider ‘holidaycottages.co.uk’ that decided to investigate this somewhat unusual question into our spare time behaviour. So in 2018 they took on the task of interviewing 2,900 people aged 18 or over in Britain.

What did it reveal? First, more than half of those surveyed admitted they had lied in the past about wanting to stay home. 61% to be precise. Many of them confessed having false stories to friends and colleagues about a wild night out. When in reality they had stayed home to read a good book.

A further 73% had also said they had literally run away from a social event! So they could go home with a takeaway meal instead. 67% also said they had feigned illness in the past. And all to avoid having to leave the house. And many said that even if they did admit to staying at home, they would leave it until the last minute. But that’s not all. 76% of participants also said they had agreed to a night out knowing full well they wouldn’t go. “It’s shocking that people lie so they can stay cozy in bed,” the author of the holidaycottages.co.uk post wrote about their findings.

“It’s shocking that people lie so they can stay cozy in bed!”

It’s a global thing

Yes, but that was in England, you can say. Everyone knows that people in this part of the world are often more inclined to put politeness first. Well, these stigmas and feelings of shame about wanting to stay home in our spare time aren’t just deep-rooted. They are also global.

Take this example in the US. Where, for example, StudyFinds, a website that publishes research papers, shows a fairly similar picture. Their post, Staying In is the New Going Out looked at a similar survey. Of the American adults interviewed in this study, 71% said they too often hoped that social plans would be cancelled. Like the British interviewees, they too preferred to stay at home, and they too preferred to not say it.

It turns out that things aren’t all that different in Australia. Here too, people deal with the feelings of awkwardness that come with telling others that they prefer to stay home. Or, the ‘awkies,’ as market researcher McCrindle calls it. Their own survey has in fact revealed a strikingly similar picture. 10% and 17% of its interviewed adults had admitted to prefer to keep quiet on social media about staying in. Many of them also waited until the last minute to confirm their social invitation. Or they had someone else do it for them. Often they even avoided contact with the person who had invited them!

Old and boring?

Why do we go to so much trouble to avoid being honest about staying indoors during our free time? That is a question we can ask. Speaking to global youth platform Refinery29 in 2018, a Mintel spokesperson once mentioned the stigmas around our decision to stay at home in our spare time. For example, it means we are lazy. The expert from the market research agency had noticed these misconceptions during a study into drinking behaviour at home.

After all, besides risking all that fear of missing out, or FOMO, who wants to be seen as a loner? Who wants to risk being considered a lazy ‘couch potato’ or old and boring? Or worse, someone who is selfish, who abandons friends or family? People who, at the end of the day, just want to have a good time with us? If all this research shows us anything, it’s that as humans we have an overwhelming need to belong. We need to feel connected in our relationships and friendships. Because many of us would rather stay home and read that book, but not have to say it. Right? Turns out, our story isn’t quite finished here.

Change is in the air?

When the above mentioned Mintel spokesperson spoke about this stigma around staying in, he also mentioned something else. That some of these misconceptions had started to change. In fact, the author of the Refinery29 post in which the quote appeared, had called younger Americans “leaders of a new anti-nightlife culture.” “Suddenly not going out is cool,” she wrote, adding, “Or at least it’s not cool.”

In 2024, positive story platform Upworthy referred to a comment on the same topic. And about the changes that are happening. It was made by an expert of Business Insider who had said that people “simply no longer feel social obligations in the same way.” And that they now “feel more comfortable embracing their favourite way of recharging.”

Obviously, there are benefits to going out for an evening with people. But what if it has become an obligation or a social pressure? What if we’re just not the type of person who enjoys socialising outdoors? What if we don’t want to go out every weekend? Some say that, besides isolation and loneliness and all the obvious drawbacks, lockdowns have helped create such new perspectives. Suddenly we no longer had to go to another party that we didn’t feel like going to. We could just inside and feel what it was like, without guilt or social pressure. And it turned out that some of us, some of the time, really liked it!

My weekend is different

In 2024, a woman wondered if she was alone with the newfound feeling of wanting to stay home on weekends. When she posted her unusual question on TikTok, the response was huge. It turned out that many people felt the same way. She’d wondered if maybe it was because she was getting older, another part of the old stigma. But it wasn’t like that. Regardless of their age or other factors, all of these people said they simply enjoyed staying home on the weekends. Their weekends started to feel different.

The earlier-mentioned holidaycottages.co.uk’ post revealed something similar. It too reported that people’s weekends were no longer around “long nights out,” or “drinking with friends until the early hours.” The younger people reviewed in their survey were also exploring what it means to have a good time. Today, it’s more about saving money, and self care, the author highlighted. “Some might say that the younger generation is getting old before their time,” she reported.

Finally I can read my book

‘We welcome the opportunity to finally read a book from beginning to end. To finally take that leisurely walk or relax in front of the TV.’ These are some of the reasons for our more recent perspective changes, cited in the aforementioned StudyFinds post. More and more people are discovering the other side of a good time and putting their personal spin on it. Or as StudyFinds post suggests: ‘staying home is the new going out.’

‘There is more time for self-development and hobbies. The chance to learn to appreciate our own company. Less stress from having to force ourselves to be someone we’re not.’ These were some of the new-found benefits reported in a 2024 listicle on MSN, called ”Things that happen when you stop forcing yourself to be social.” Overall, according to the post, we can expect improved energy levels. Overall, it seems we are starting to become happy and proud ‘couch potatoes.’

A new spare time

‘We’re a bunch of “pikers”… and we’re okay with it!’ reports McCrindle in the aforementioned report. It’s one of the experts highlighting how the stigma is changing alongside our new love for staying at home. Television is now an accepted and even preferred form of entertainment in our busy lives, writes the author. Adding how technology has ‘redefined our social interactions.’

In their post, holidaycottages.co.uk also referred to such new perspectives. “65% of our research group also reported experiencing JOMO (joy of missing out). With quiet evenings alone with Netflix for company, a face mask and snacks,” the author wrote. She concluded: “It is now becoming a widely accepted way to spend the weekends. It is clear that there has been a significant shift in consumer behaviour recently.”

Could it be that our views on things like self-care, once seen as selfish, are also changing? “By taking more time to focus on our health (both mental and physical), we feel better, are more productive, and are more proactive in creating a positive environment for ourselves,” the author added.

“By taking more time to focus on our health (both mental and physical), we feel better, are more productive, and are more proactive in creating a positive environment for ourselves.”

The future of spare time

Our definition of good times with friends and family appears to be changing. That we are discovering a more personal version. Will this continue? Nobody has a crystal ball.

There are experts who call our new habit of staying indoors in general a new development. Instead of a temporary trend. “As we write in mid-2024, lockdowns have long since ended,” these researchers wrote on the subject. “And the most important development may be a permanent shift away from out-of-home activities,” they added. In conclusion, they wrote: “Remote work, online education, streaming video, teleshopping, Zoom parties and the like may prove here to stay even after the public health boost fades.”

“For many, it’s time to let go of the guilt… and the pressure to socialise,” another expert wrote in her post on the subject. Dr. Marisa G Franco is an enlightening psychologist and expert on human connection. She explained, “You can stop forcing yourself to socialise.” Plus, that the time has come to “take it easy and pay attention to the level of social contact that feels best for you.”

Many of us reading this may think the same. How on earth do we go to such lengths to avoid being honest about staying in? But the urge to appear social at cost seems to be wired in all of us, no matter what background.

Be what as it may, when it comes to our spare time it seems that around the world, we are discovering something new. Things seem to be changing. More and more we seem to realise that sometimes we like to take it easy and go out. And sometimes we like to take it easy and stay in. To have a more reflective or relaxing version of the weekend. Regardless of any stigmas attached to our decision around what to do with our spare time.

“You can stop forcing yourself to socialise. The time has come to take it easy and pay attention to the level of social contact that feels best for you.”

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