If only we had more willpower and self control to see things through. We would eat the right foods, exercise regularly, say no to alcohol, smoking and – god forbid – to drugs. Procrastination would never happen, and we would save money rather than spending it. We would be achieving all sorts of virtuous goals in life. We would be admirable. Right? Time to review an old perspective?

When we tell someone about that extra glass of wine or piece of cake we had, it’s more of a confession than a mention. Talking about that lazy weekday morning feels more like an owning up too. Such moments without willpower are called guilty pleasures and it shows how deep our belief in self-control is. Willpower has status and without it we are weak or immature.

The idea that willpower ensures personal success in life was already demonstrated in 1970 in the Marshmallow Experiment. It showed children’s level of self-control when given a treat, and their level of success in life was measured when they were older. The ones with the most self restraint turned out to be more successful in life later on. And so the experiment had put the meaning of willpower on the map. “Increasing self-control among children and adults has been advocated as a remedy to many of society’s illnesses,” wrote Liad Uziel in ‘The Intricacies of the Pursuit of Higher Self-Control.’ Uziel is from the psychology department of Bar Ilan University in Israel. He, too, has discovered that self-control as a positive trait is so common that it has taken root among the general public.

“Increasing self-control among children and adults has been advocated as a remedy to many of society’s illnesses.”

Another take: The downsides

But not everyone sees willpower in a positive light. Uziel himself is one of the increasing number of people offering another perspective. In the research paper he proposes there are downsides to willpower and self-control, but that they are often ignored. For instance, the undesirable complications and personal costs of wanting but not having it. Wanting to have more self-control contributes to stress, and demotivate us. Another paper called ‘What’s So Great About Self-Control?’ also presents a different perspective. It describes various tests. These tests showed repeatedly that actively resisting or controlling temptations did not help people achieve their goals. That self-control is not the key to a good life is something that more media sources are now pointing out. Some call it a falsehood that has the power to actually keep us stuck instead of achieving personal success.

The more we resist the more it persists?

The downside of willpower is something many of us can relate to. The more we try to control something, the more we will actually engage in it! Or, as some would say: The more we resist, the more it persists. If we try to force ourselves to eat, drink or smoke less, we will often achieve the opposite result. With the icing on the cake that we then end up feeling like a failure. And so it keeps going round. This endless loop is best known in the diet industry, and some experts call willpower a diet myth that fuels its existence.

Dark sides

Some experts as Uziel, have found that in some circumstances there can be a selfish side to having self control. Or, that in some other circumstances, it can unleash an even darker side in us. We saw the latter in the 1960s Stanley Milgram Shock Experiment. In the test, it appeared as though an authority asked subjects to inflict pain on another person. In their dutifulness to follow that instruction, these subjects needed willpower. Turns out, they were quite willing to go far! A fake French television game show called La Zone Xtrême had demonstrated in 2010 similar links between obedience and willpower. It seems that the more willpower we need to have, the meaner we get.

More nuanced

Perspectives on the power of willpower seem to be changing. The author of Willpower Doesn’t Work for instance states that we should try to proactively shape our environment instead. That we can alter our surroundings to support our goals. After all, it doesn’t help that today’s world is just so full of temptation and instant gratification.

Even the Marschmallow Test is now considered to be wrong by more and more experts and many of us are starting to realise that the issue of willpower is more nuanced than we think. That sometimes people around us are better at not eating any more biscuits, simply because they don’t like them. Or, that our mother or father hated exorcise and we have adopted their behaviour. No more biscuits on our next trip to the supermarket can help us set up for success. More and more people are finding their our own ways that work. Rather than relying on the black-and-white world of willpower, just because everyone keeps telling everyone how great it is?

Main image Pexels, Valeriya, Kobzar

Willpower and self control: we want it. But does it work? Perspectives are shifting…

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